Management Training: Lesson 5 of 5: Joke

Lesson 5/5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull."They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Management Training: Lesson 4 of 5: Joke

Lesson 4/5

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Management Training: Lesson 3 of 5: Joke

Lesson 3/5

A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie pops out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish"."Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas driving a speedboat, without a care in the world". Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of some Pina Coladas and the love of my life". Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up", the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch".

Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.

Management Training: Lesson 2 of 5: Joke

Lesson 2/5

A priest offered a Nun a lift. As she sat in the car, she could not help but reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" He removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Management Course: Lesson 1 of 5: Joke

Three Minute Management Course

Welcome to 3 Minute Management Course training in preparation for the first quarter of 2008 in 5 easy lessons:

Lesson 1/5

A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when the doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs down the stairs. She opens the door to Fred, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Fred says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Fred After a few seconds, Fred hands her $800 and leaves.Wrapping herself in the towel, as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: "Who was that?" "It was Fred the next door neighbor" she replies."Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders (and Management team), in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Quote Worth Sharing - Laughter

I have always felt very strongly towards the importance of and power of laughter in almost any situation. Laughter in the board room (releases the tension), laughter in your personal life (brings perspective), laughter in client meetings (lends personalization and intimacy).

I hadn't thought about this in a while until I saw this quote while drinking hot chocolate with my daughter at a local coffee shop. And when I am with my daughter I am almost always laughing.

"Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at!" - Goethe

And I couldn't agree more!

Evaluating Consultants - Key Questions

Following in the series on finding, selecting and securing the most appropriate consultant for your business need. Let me share some keys questions to ask and internally consider when interviewing and selecting:

1. First prepare a list of questions - Remember you are the client!
2. What is your background, methods and experience?
3. What makes you or your firm ideally suited for this project?
4. What are your weaknesses and how will you address them?
5. What differs in your approach from your competition?
6. How will you manage, communicate and track to deliverables?
7. When do you expect to complete the project?
8. How will you address scope or schedule changes and changes to project direction?
9. When can you begin?
10. What is your fee structure? Is there flexibility in fee structure for prompt payment or longer term contracts?
11. What is your cost estimate for this project?
12. What other resources do you or your firm typically utilize or have access to?
13. Is travel included in your fees?
14. What results can I expect and do you develop metrics or measurement as part of the project?
15. If there will be others involved in the project, what can you tell me about them and their backgrounds?
16. Who will be the main point of contact?

Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. Are their values in line with yours?
2. Do you feel comfortable with them?
3. How did they respond to questions of scope or schedule changes?
4. Will they be flexible and resilient?
5. Will I feel comfortable accepting advice from this person?
6. Does this person really listen?
7. Were their answers in line with my previous knowledge of them via website and collateral?
8. Did they say yes to everything? Is there nothing they can't do? (That should be a warning).